Finding Joy

I don't think we talk enough about the hard seasons of life during the time they are hard. People tend to speak on these seasons when they're through them with the victory as the end of the story. Sometimes the season doesn't end the way we want it to and sometimes it just really sucks to be in the middle of it. The season of singleness and loneliness is hard, especially when you don't fully believe there is an end to it. I constantly think about what life looks like if I don't get to experience a husband and children. Singleness is lonely when your closest friends are in relationships and you feel like you are no one's first thought. This season of sickness is hard. I'm navigating how I feel while also trying to console the people around me who are scared too. This part of life has been filled with grief. Grieving how I thought life would look at this point, grieving relationships and friendships I thought I'd have for so much longer, grief and what feels like my body failing me.

How can you practically cling to God's goodness in these moments where God feels anything but good? I'm in the midst of figuring that out for myself. What I can say is this season of life has truly brought me to my knees in surrender. My life feels as if it's been derailed, and so many things feel scary to me, but I know in the depths of my soul there's goodness in this season.

While some relationships feel like they've faded others have shown me what being shown up for feels like. The moments of joy have felt so much more potent. I've soaked in the good, the bad, the ugly and the sad because it all served a purpose at the end of the day. Each moment has felt so much more real because I've stopped to appreciate that love is so tangible if you just look for it. I think most days we don't stop and look at the webs of our stories that are weaved in what we think of as the mundane moments of life.

I actually don't think I've ever seen God's love enacted so tangibly than in this season. In grief, we can still celebrate. John 16:20 says "Truly, truly I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn to joy." This rings true. We need to lament to work through it and we all need a good cry more often than we think. Joy sits at the end of grief even when it doesn't feel like it. What if we sat in the grief in the midst of the moment instead of pushing it aside to frame in the lens of victory? What if we are already victorious?